Ideally, humiliating.
I've gone on for days about humiliation haven't i? It's because it's the most painful emotion known to man. It tears you to shreds from the inside out.
Have you been thoroughly & painfully humiliated to the point where you just go blank and start feeling your whole world crashing before your eyes? I have..
When you begin with ideals that seem ideally perfect with noble intentions but the effects turn out... somewhat disastrous you start to question the intended purpose and the purposeful actions that contradicts the cause.
Now i would begin to question my motives but to know the outcome and to proceed with the action would in many a case reek of pure stupidity.
Now I know myself pretty well and i abhor change like i abhor humiliation, it doesn't take a mathematician to add up the equation.
So i acted in faith, faith that my judgement would serve me for the worse. But yeah the experience turned out for the worse, too bad.
Live goes on... I suppose. Trying is suppose to be rewarding isn't it? I'm actually wondering if any of the things i blog about will come back to haunt me one day, where the problems i face would be merely pebbles in the face of larger boulders or that i surpass problems and struggles in life.
I'm indignant at the circumstances and situations i face, but i'll not let a few pebbles obstruct my path. No, i'll take pleasure in savouring the defeat of my enemy in the midst of my defeat.
It's great to know that you can lose a battle and yet win a war. What i've lost will be a small price to pay for the treasures i'll gain in the coming days.
I'll take courage in my redemption,
I'll take hope in my destiny,
I'm built for the eternal purposes of heaven,
No longer to be torn by conflicts of despair,
I'll no longer trudge the pathways of life,
But walk bravely towards my goal,
That i may one day be rewarded,
With these sweet & beautiful words,
"Well done, good and faithful servant!"
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